Dallas Mayor Mike Rawlings has gotten so many accolades for his stance against domestic violence that you’d think he started the battered women’s movement. The blogsphere is loaded with articles lauding the “man’s man mayor” for his “leadership” on the issue.
But does Rawlings deserve it? That’s highly debatable. I am glad that Rawlings is taking a strong stand on men’s violence against women. However, his stance does absolutely nothing to challenge the male-dominated status quo.
Rawlings has invited patriarchal religious leaders such as T.D. Jakes of The Potter’s House and Catholic Bishop Kevin Ferrell to speak at his anti-violence rallies.
He stood silent when Dallas Cowboy Brandon Carr made patronizing comments about women as “fragile, gentle, delicate gifts from God” that he, as a “real man”, is supposed to take care of.
And he has never given feminist women any credit for their pioneering leadership of the battered women’s movement.
When I heard about all the clueless, male chauvinistic remarks that so many speakers made at the Mayor’s Rally Against Domestic Abuse in 2013, I thought that the feminist blogsphere would be full of trenchant critiques.
But I saw very little. Anna Merlin of The Dallas Observer commented on mixed messages and 1950’s attitudes towards male-female roles.
Andrea Grimes of rhrealitycheck.org called out the speakers who used “essentialist language that reduces both men and women to strict roles, with men as heads of household and women as gentle helpmeets.”
But the general attitude about all the sexism seemed to be, “Don’t let the perfect become the enemy of the good,” as Rev4Choice said in a response to Grimes.
But really, was the Mayor’s rally any good? That’s highly debatable. Many people thought the rally was a breakthrough because they had never seem a large group of men speak out against domestic violence. However, huge numbers of Canadian men spoke out against men’s violence in 1989 after The Montreal Massacre and they were much more enlightened than the Dallas boys.
Several people were enthralled that football legends spoke out. However, Jackson Katz, a former All-American football player, has been speaking out for the past twenty-five years and was one of the first men to work with the United States Marine Corps on violence against women issues.
A friend lauded Mike Rawlings because “he’s the first male politician who cares about the issue.” However, Joe Biden devoted an enormous amount of time to pushing the Violence Against Women Act through Congress in 1994.
Sorry, but I didn’t think the rally was that much of a breakthrough. When we view patronizing remarks about women as minor little imperfections, we are saying that it is OK for a man to feel superior to a woman, as long as he doesn’t hit her.
When we treat comments about the husband being the head of the household as “just a fundamentalist thing,” we are saying that it is ok to for a husband to dominate or “lead” his wife, as long as he doesn’t beat her – or kill her.
When we gush over football stars who are just starting to “get it” on domestic violence and ignore fifty years of courageous feminist leadership on the issue, we are saying that men’s work is more important than women’s work. .
And when both northern and southern feminists privately say, “Well, for Dallas, this is progress,” we are succumbing to the soft bigotry of low expectations and keeping Dallas from becoming a great city.
All this gushing over Mike Rawlings shows how much we all need to sharpen iron with iron and insist on high standards of conduct at men’s anti-violence rallies.
Both the feminist and “mainstream” media need to boldly call Rawlings out when he invites patriarchal religious leaders to speak at rallies.
Women and men need to stand up immediately to speakers who make condescending remarks about women.
And Rawlings and his men need mentoring from pro-feminist men like Jackson Katz. If these guys really want to be “real men” who respect women, they need to heed his words:
“We are here because of the leadership of women. The work with men and boys stems from and honors the pioneering work and ongoing leadership of the women’s movement. We stand in solidarity with the ongoing struggle for women’s empowerment and rights.”
So please stop gushing over Mike Rawlings. Yes, it takes courage to call out an “alpha male” on sexism and there is an excellent chance that he and his admirers will use every tactic in the book to silence us.
But if Rawlings is serious about men’s violence against women, he will eventually listen to his feminist critics and we could start to get rallies that really are a breakthrough.
Kathleen Trigiani